Opening up to your partner can sometimes be tough, when you think the issues might upset, offend, or confuse them. For many people, we can talk about being fired at work before we can talk about our sexual issues. This may be down to social conditioning, however going against that scary or uncomfortable feeling and having a real chat about sex to your partner can make your relationship that much deep, bring you that much closer together.
Learning to be mature and open about your sexual issues is a sign that you are growing as a person. Back when we were 14, can you imagine talking to your friends about your masturbation escapades? I sure can’t. When you were 21 could you believe talking to your boyfriend or girlfriend at the time about that group sex fantasy you had? You might be afraid they’d dump you because of it. Coming to terms with who we are sexually is something that should be an essential part of everyone’s sex lives. And sharing this with your partner is one of the most intimate things that you can do – even more intimate than the act itself.
Opening up the channels of conversation around your sex life, your desires, your fears, your issues and your triumphs can bring you and your partner closer than you ever dreamed possible. Not only sexually, but as a side effect, emotionally, too. These are many sexual thoughts that we have that we don’t share with anyone on the planet. Sex is different to everyone, so we like to often keep it to ourselves.
However, if you have a loving and caring relationship, why shouldn’t these thoughts be something that we share with our partner, too? We share our deepest concerns about work, our futures, the environment, and more with our partners, so why shouldn’t we share the whole gamut of what we think sexually with them too? We dance around issues, pretend they’re not there, try to please them instead, and carry sexual burdens alone. And we shouldn’t
To have a life partner is one of the most exquisite feelings and experiences in the world and we should attempt to be as open with them as possible. Although you might feel embarrassed or like a “bad person” because of certain sexual things, the reality of the matter is that everyone is different sexually. We all have our hang-ups, weird kinks, and problems. If you feel bad or embarrassed about any one of them, then it’s likely down to social conditioning.
We’re told that if a man has a small penis that he’s less of a man and can’t please a woman. Completely untrue. We’re told that if a woman never wants to have sex, then she’s frigid. Whereas actually, it could be vaginismus. Someone who can’t get an erection isn’t attracted to his wife anyone. When it could be something else entirely. Swingers are crazy and weird. When they’re just like you and me.
Your sexuality and your sexual experience are as unique as you are. And your partner loves you because you are that exact mix of an individual that they like. If your partner genuinely cares about the person that you are inside, they will listen to what you have to say about sex, your sexual issues, and how you feel about sex. While they may not be thrilled to hear what you have to say at all times, your partner will likely be supportive, understanding, and there to help with whatever it is that you have to say.
Opening up to your partner about sexual issues, whether you’re three months into a relationship or thirty years, can be a truly enjoyable experience. When a partner accepts you for all your (self-perceived) “flaws”, that they may have even guessed about previously, it can be a wonderful sense of relief – a weight off your shoulders. You might find that now you feel like they know the “real you”.
Opening up about sex to your partner is likely to elicit a similar response in your partner, too – if they’re willing to share yet. This shared exchange of “secrets” can make you feel like you’re right back in those beginning stages of your relationship. You might find out things about your partner that you’ve never known. Imagine that, 30 years down the track and finding out something new and interesting and uniquely “them”!
While it all seems scary, opening up sexually can take your relationship to a deeper level and can open you up to an amazing sex life with them that you never even dreamed possible. Take the plunge, conquer your fears, have a glass of wine for courage and start to open up to your partner – it might be the best thing that’s ever happened to you.
Jorge is a health blog author who has been writing about nutrition, fitness and healthy living for over 10 years. He also loves to run, hike and bike with her wife.
